Your bestie should be your biggest fan, not your biggest competitor.
, a Santa Barbara, California-based licensed psychologist, explains. “People can get close to us for lots of different reasons and with different motivations,” she continues. “Not everyone who befriends us is actually a friend, meaning that they don’t always have our best interests at heart.”
If someone’s really your friend, they’ll find time for you. At the very least, they’d be open and honest about why they can’t hang out, and won’t constantly wait until the last minute to cancel.There are some friends who don’t mind hanging out... as long as you’ll come to them every time. Or, they need a companion for a group movie date or someone to run errands with.
“Look for whether there is reciprocity or a sense of fairness in time, support, and concrete things,” Dr. Peck suggests. “No relationship is equal all the time and it’s best not to keep a running ledger of every thing you have given and what you’ve gotten in return — relationships are so much more than transactions — but do listen to how you feel in the friendship.”
If this is a pattern, try to talk to your friend about it. “When someone is judging us, they might make dismissive or demeaning comments or put us down. They might make fun of us. They might nonverbally show us that they don't agree with what we are saying,” Dr. Peck explains. Ask your friend why they’re responding in this way, she suggests. This could open up a healthy conversation and help you better understand each other, but if not, it could be a sign to get some distance.
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