SFGATE columnist Drew Magary is a one-of-a-kind soothsayer: Everything he predicts won't come true.
I am wrong all the time and frankly, it gets on my nerves. I thought Hillary Clinton would defeat Donald Trump. Wrong. I thought the Kansas City Chiefs would rip out Tom Brady’s colostomy bag on the field and win the Super Bowl. Wrong. I told my wife we were out of flour the other day because I searched all over the house and couldn’t find a spare bag of it. She found one in less than 30 seconds. You see? F—king annoying.
But the pandemic — God, I’m so sick of that word — has taught me to make good from bad. So if I’m gonna be wrong about everything, I might as well do it here. In this column. For money. I’m actually a veteran of being , so lemme crack my knuckles and make some predictions for 2022 that I promise, promise, you will know are wrong from a mile away. Let’s do this.2. The pandemic will definitively end. I’ll be able to go to all the maskless orgies I please without fear of infection. Of any kind.4. Boris Johnson will become massively popular in England once again when he goes on the telly in a schoolboy outfit, blushes, and tells his countrymen, “Oops! I got me fingers stuck in me bum!”6.
7. You’ll watch an Arby’s commercial and you’ll say, “You know, that looks pretty good. They do ‘have the meats,’ after all.” Then you’ll go to Arby’s for the first time and be BLOWN AWAY.9. When I get my first colonoscopy in 2022, they’ll find $100 million in bearer bonds up there.11. A well-to-do San Franciscan will walk by a pile of human feces on the sidewalk and not make a fuss about it.14. You will not be reminded, every day, that “things look bad for the Democrats in the midterms.
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