It can be hard to know what to do or say to someone who's grieving. These suggestions can help.
Recently, a colleague posted on Instagram that her brother had passed away. I knew I had to say something, but nothing seemed appropriate. A social media comment seemed inadequate and a “like” was definitely tone deaf. We had never talked on the phone before, so a phone call seemed out of place. So I settled on an email. And I stared at the blinking cursor for what seemed like hours.
There are a zillion variations on this theme. For example, you might say, “What you’re going through is so sad. I love you. Call me any time day or night.” Or this: “I’m so sorry about Tom’s passing. You’re so important to our family. How can we help out?” Or simply state the basic recipe: “This is hard, I care about you, I’m here for you.”
Grief is like a bad meal: The only way through is to digest it. And processing grief takes time—up to a year or two for many people, though you never really ‘get over’ a close loss. Their loved one will be missed forever. Indeed, it would be worse if they weren’t missed. There are two schools of thought on this. One is to extend an open-ended offer of help. This gives the bereaved a chance to ask for what she really needs, whether it’s taking care of a few tasks or to-dos or just providing company. But don’t say, “Just let us know if you need anything”—the “if” will kill the chance of them ever reaching out.
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