How do you make a relationship last? Don't fall for these common traps, advises JustinLehmiller
1. Don’t sacrifice too much.
We often hear about the importance of sacrifice in relationships—we’re told that we need to put our partner’s needs above our own in order for things to work. While there is some truth to this idea, it’s important to keep in mind that sacrificing too much can actually undermine the relationship. When sacrifice is one-sided and/or when the sacrifices being made are very large , sacrifice can take a toll.We often think we know what’s best for our partner and that one of our jobs in a relationship is to help our partner become who we want them to be. That’s why it’s not uncommon for people to tell their partner things like, “if you love me, you’ll change.”
However, when we look at our partners as people in need of “fixing” and attach all kinds of terms and conditions to our love, we often end up hurting rather than helping the relationship. In part, this is because trying to force change on someone often produces the effect opposite of the one intended. Plus, people often use tactics to change their partners that aren’t all that effective and may be counterproductive .
By dealing with little things as they come up and having some minor disagreements, you can prevent problems from ballooning into major fights.
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