The only person who knew what was going through Bourdain’s mind on June 8th 2018 was Bourdain himself. But since his suicide, biographers and friends alike have looked for clues
Save time by listening to our audio articles as you multitaskIt turned out that a lot of people liked watching him do just that: between 2002 and his death he made hundreds of episodes. Off-screen, he had two failed marriages, a rocky relationship with Asia Argento, an Italian actor, and a punishing schedule that kept him on the road for most of the year.
Bourdain left no note, making Mr Leerhsen’s first task speculative. He was drinking heavily, taking steroids and human-growth hormone and, on some level, deeply unhappy. “I hate my fans,” he texted his second wife a few months before he died. “I hate being famous. I hate my job. I am lonely and living in constant uncertainty.” But after a shoot on the last night of his life he went to a beer garden in Germany, where “he lit up like the Tony I once knew”, a companion said. “Everything was normal.
But biographers and friends alike have looked for clues. Certainly, he put himself under tremendous pressure. He worked far more than he needed to. Before his screen and literary careers took off, he was distinguished more by his organisational skills than his culinary imagination. He could oversee a kitchen cooking hundreds of meals per shift, but did not devise new techniques or recipes. He never lost this driven, line-cook’s mentality.
It made him rich and famous—but tragedy, as Oscar Wilde knew, can sometimes stem from getting everything you want, rather than from failing to. “What do you do”, Bourdain asked his viewers, near the end of a show shot in Sardinia, “when all of your dreams come true?”This article appeared in the Culture section of the print edition under the headline"The weight of the world"
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