Opinion: A snip in time - how to tell your parents you’re getting a vasectomy | Doug Hendrie
There’s an unwritten rule that when you hear a story involving fear, you have to tell your own worst-case version and add to the world’s net anxiety.So while I shifted uncomfortably and gripped my beer for comfort, my friend Ed waxed lyrical about his own experience. The worst of his life, he said, solemnly. Clawing the sides of the bed to escape. Too late, too late. The slit had been made. The nurses had to hold him down as the doctor ransacked his sacred baby-making apparatus.
Half a metre away, hidden behind a white sheet, a doctor was ferreting around in my nethers, hunting for the elusive vas deferens. It felt as if my testicles were being mugged in excruciatingly slow motion.I had two nurses flanking me, both trying to engage me in small talk. Tell us about yourself, they cooed. What do you do? Their distraction efforts weren’t cutting it when a scalpel really was cutting it. That’s when I begged for my phone. Sorry I said, sorry, sorry.
But as the embarrassment washes through me, I find myself strangely calm. The doctor is still rooting around like a pig hunting truffles. My little cords are expiring in some deeply personal corner. But the discomfort is OK. It’s OK. I am managing my fertility. Now, the official advice is not to drive. But that hadn’t seemed possible, and I could not handle being ferried home in a taxi in my current state.
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