Advice by Carolyn Hax: Stepmother-in-law is rude — when no one else can see it
I can’t stomach even seeing them anymore, and it’s causing a big rift in the family. She’s making me feel as if I’m crazy, because she only says things to me when my partner is out of sight. I don’t know what to do or think anymore, so I completely avoid them.There’s a lot more to it than this, obviously. Please help. I don’t want to give this horrible woman any more power than she already has over me.She sounds like a gaslighter.
2. Ask “your” people to stand up for you. Your husband’s, “Oh, she’s just clueless,” doesn’t fly. Please tell him this. Calmly explain that you tried to look at it his way, in hopes he was correct, and came to your own conclusion that his stepmother is not only being rude, but also choosing her moments to be rude for the purpose of escaping others’ detection.
Rather than waste your energy wondering, “Am I wrong about this?” try sitting with the statement, “I AM being gaslighted.” Give yourself the opportunity to trust your self-protective instincts. It’s a rush of power that can free you to say no more loudly and effectively than you ever thought you could.
If the husband won’t start believing her and stepping up, I would definitely advise couples counseling. If it were me, it would make me wonder what else my husband won’t believe me on in future.
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