She has offered to be monogamous with me, or to find a way for us to separate as painlessly as possible. How can I repair myself – and our sex life?
Composite: GettyComposite: Gettyfortysomething man in a long-term relationship – nearly 20 years –10 years my partner has been having short-term lovers. These were clandestine, butcurrently has a lover who I do know about. But this “open relationship” can only be one-sided, because she is jealous and suspiciousare bonded by bringing up our children– of jealousy, rejection, insecurity, being lied tocome stressed: if I don’t perform enthusiastically, it will justify her seeking other lovers.
would be a viable person to be in a relationship with. How do I start to repair myself, inside or outside this relationship? It’s high time you set boundaries with your partner. In the past, you have been enormously accommodating – more than you really wanted to be – and that has left you with residual resentment. Underlying resentment is one of the most common causes of lowered libido, so no wonder you struggle to “perform enthusiastically”.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders. If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to