‘An enthralling country, but be prepared to be naked’: A survivor’s guide to Europe

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‘An enthralling country, but be prepared to be naked’: A survivor’s guide to Europe
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Don’t head to the continent without reading this advice first.

“Try our schnapps punch,” read the Slovenian bar sign. “You will never get better.” You can’t say we weren’t warned. But it’s vital when travelling to try new things, despite hangovers and occasional hospital admissions.Europe is a cultural minestrone, offering a bit of everything from curious cuisine to quaint customs. As a travel writer, I’ve been lucky enough to explore much of this fascinating continent.

Living in Australia, a woman of a certain age gets so used to a lack of male attention she thinks she possesses the sexual magnetism of limp lettuce.The only rule in Athens is that there are no rules – especially on the road. This ancient, beguiling city is basically a 50km/h gridlock with everybody driving as though on crystal meth.

Perhaps it’s because this whole enchanting, stunningly beautiful country is chock-a-block with priceless antiquities: meaning the locals appreciate the charms of an old ruin.Gliding towards Amsterdam by boat, you’ll marvel at this city, which floats and shimmers up out of the water like a mirage.The medieval gabled houses, the flower-bedecked canals and arched wrought-iron bridges suffuse the city with an old-world charm. And the best way to see it is by bike.

The reason the Dutch are so slim and trim is because they cycle everywhere. But don’t forget your trouser grips. Getting your jeans leg caught in your bike chain gives a whole new meaning to a “vicious cycle”.An enthralling country, but be prepared to be naked. A lot. Don’t worry if your birthday suit needs a little ironing; nobody’s looking. Germans only look if you dare not to bare. Saunas actually have signs decreeing: “Clothing Forbidden.

There are so many other spectacular European countries but I’ve run out of room … meaning you’ll just have to go and see for yourselves. But don’t miss Finland, the only country with a word for getting drunk alone in your underwear (

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