I'm a Black woman who lived in Sweden — here's what Twitter is getting right, and wrong, about #Swedengate and the country's customs around (not) feeding guests.
outlined in #Swedengate is unfortunately still happening to this day — albeit much less than in the past — whether you experience it for yourself truly depends on what part of Sweden you live in and who you’re interacting with. And based on that, there seems to be a general rule of “the right to refuse hospitality.”Heated discussion w/ my Swede on. He said kids over to play weren't 'guests' and I was like 🙄. In 🇯🇲 anyone who isn't family is a guest.
Simone*, an assistant professor at Mid Sweden University, left her native Brazil many years ago to travel abroad. She met her Swedish husband and settled in Sweden with him. She’s had the unique perspective of living as a Black woman abroad and seeing the changes in Swedish society first hand over the last couple of decades.
When I asked Simone about the customs described in #Swedengate, she told me that yes, her Swedish friends and their families did withhold food from guests in the 1960s and 1970s but there were reasons other than inhospitality. “Their families would send visitors home for dinner, unless the kids slept over, in which case they would have breakfast with the family. All of this was considered normal; their parents grew up poor, and putting food on the table for their families was expensive.
A sentence that I’ve enthusiastically highlighted and underlined in my copy of Booth’s book, especially in light of #Swedengate, is this: “The Swedish system’s logic is that it is dangerous to be dependent on other people, to be beholden to other people. Even to your family.” Given the history, customs, and context, I guess you can understand why Swedes may choose to not want to be in debt to anyone , but it’s still weird that anyone would see sharing a meal as being indebted to someone.
Every now and then, the Swedes would want to be part of the action despite quite literally having to go outside their comfort zones. The thing about Swedes is that on the rare occasion they decide they trust you and that stoic wall comes down… they’re all in. As a Black woman living there, I didn’t experience this openness often, but on the few occasions when I did experience this, it resulted in loyal, long-lasting friendships. One instance in particular comes to mind.
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