Depending on your research, you may conclude that feelings hopelessness increase for elderly folks—or that we get happier as we age. Are we destined to turn cranky in our 80s and 90s? Or will those decades prove the most rewarding of our lives?
That’s one reason depression takes a toll on many seniors. But growing more miserable with each passing year is not a fait accompli.
We’re more likely to grow happier, believe it or not. Alison Gopnik, a psychology professor at University of California, Berkeley, reviewed research across many cultures and countries and found aging isn’t all doom and gloom. “We have choices about how we respond,” said Ilene Berns-Zare, PsyD, a Chicago-area executive and life coach. “Recent research shows that optimism changes the way we interpret stressful situations. So there’s always a choice.”
“Maybe you’re filled with mixed emotions [about aging],” Berns-Zare said. “Yes, there are highs and lows. So ask yourself, ‘How do I want to focus my attention in this moment?’” You’re also more apt to feel happy if you find meaning in everyday tasks, from checking on an ailing neighbor to clipping an article and sending it to a friend.Part of the challenge for seniors is that the longer they live, the more funerals they attend. They’re left coping with the loss of loved ones—and that flattens the happiness curve.
You can assume the worst and wait for it to unfold, stewing in anxiety as the days crawl by. Or you can embrace what Heiser calls “generative behaviors” to leave your mark on the next generation. Examples include volunteering, philanthropic giving and mentoring others.
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