Advice from Amy Dickinson.
I have recently found out via my younger sister that our father has been diagnosed with pancreatitis. This is the first time I’ve heard this, and am hurt that he hasn’t said anything to me.
I expressed concern that this alcohol problem would lead to illness, and warned him that if he didn’t stop drinking, it would eventually lead to his death.My first son was born March 2022, my second in January 2023.Once I learned of his new diagnosis, I feel like my dad doesn’t want to admit that he has a problem and that I’m completely right about him.We live out of state, and for months he has been “planning to visit.”My fiance and I are in the midst of starting a business together.
I understand if he feels scared, I’m writing to you because I’M scared. He knows we care about his health!Should I bring it up at all, or wait until he tells me himself?I suggest this because of the almost frantic tone of your question. Here’s how you ask your father about his health: “Dad, my sister just told me about your diagnosis. How are you feeling? What is the treatment going to be like?”What you don’t need to do is to lecture him about his drinking. He is living his life, making choices, and now he is facing the consequences of his choices. You cannot change this outcome, or his selfishness regarding you and your children. I hope you can accept this painful reality with grace.
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