Dear Anna, We love each other so much but I can see the fire draining out of our relationship.
“Ask Anna” is a sex column. Because of the nature of the topic, some columns contain language some readers may find graphic.My wife and I have been together for nine years. She started a new job that’s far more demanding of her time, and we have two kids who also keep us busy. It seems like we just don’t see each other very often anymore, and when we do, we’re tired, cranky or dealing with house maintenance crap.
We love each other so much but I can see the fire draining out of our relationship. How do we get that fire back? I don’t only mean sex, though that’s a part of it. We haven’t had a date night in months either. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks. — For Intimacy, Rethinking EverythingWe sometimes think of relationships, particularly marriage, as the end of courtship. Like, great, I got the girl, now I can rest on my laurels. But that’s not the case. You should never stop dating your partner.
Everything in life requires maintenance, from the banal to the most profound . If you stop devoting time and energy to eating well or exercising, your health suffers. If you don’t keep in touch with friends, those friendships diminish. Like the fire metaphor you used, relationships require tending or they burn out. So how do you go about prioritizing your relationship once again? You do so with intentionality, a little planning and action.the time to stoke your relationship fires; it’s aboutthe time. Life is hectic. Plans derail. Children derail them even more. But if you make the mental promise to each other that your relationship is important and worth preserving, then you’ll be more likely to succeed.
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