Audi e-tron, take me to my nuclear bunker.
I’m driving down the spine of Virginia along Interstate 81 in an Audi e-tron GT. It is one of many electric cars from legacy automotive brands that will most surely eat into Tesla’s cachet and marketplace dominance.SIGN UP FOR THE TRACK CLUB BY R&T FOR MORE EXCLUSIVE STORIES
This was not the correct time for me to stop taking my anxiety medication, but I had done so months earlier. I didn’t tell my doctor. I didn’t even tell my therapist. I told my wife, of course, but she’s no doctor. I felt just groovy without the pills, only I was suddenly quite unmotivated—to work, to write, to do much of anything. I had lost my, well, drive. In an epiphany that defied my mounting years, I put two and two together and went back on the pills.
In exchange for allowing the secret bunker to be built on its property, the Greenbrier got a free additional wing for its resort.So I do the right thing and drive the scenic route the rest of the way to the resort, along back roads that weave through bucolic hillsides, like a skier navigating fresh moguls. The e-tron is built for this exact kind of route. I’m now doing the driving you’d see in the b-roll for a commercial advertising an Audi’s cornering agility.
Join me for a tour around a nuclear apocalypse that hasn’t yet happened, won’t you? I meet with my tour group in the grand upper-lobby area of the resort, where grand ballroom after grand ballroom awaits future wedding parties and their drunken revelers. Our guide is a jolly fellow named Jonathan, who has given this tour for nearly two decades. You can tell he loves the job. I can see why.
That, of course, is no longer true. There are very few secret places anymore—very few places for anyone, even the elite of the elite, to escape to. It’s hard to even escape from yourself. I know this firsthand because mine is a restless mind, forever tempted to empty its contents out onto the internet on a whim. My physical deafness can stop me from hearing others but not from hearing this cursed brain of mine.
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