From a ‘salt-less wasteland’ to a boulevard of broken beans, Nicholas Jordan puts nine tins of baked beans to the test
efore the taste test I asked the other reviewers: what makes a good tin of baked beans? One reviewer said they wanted the baked beans to give her the feeling of her dad making her breakfast in the morning. If your dad is making your breakfast, you’re likely either a child, in need of comfort, or both. Baked beans are the thing for that situation – uncomplicated, surprise-free and available almost instantly. The culinary equivalent of rewatching a romcom after a day you’d like to forget.
Four friends joined me in the taste test. Each serving of beans was microwaved for two minutes and served to us blind. We scored each brand on taste and texture. Brands that did not meet the above brief were scored harshly. We found there were, somewhat appropriately, few innovations in the baked beans market. All brands contained navy beans and have similar bean-to-sauce ratios, and sugar and sodium levels. Because of that, there were no standouts.
F. Whitlock & Sons Killer Beans Smoky Campfire BBQ, 420g, $3.80 , available at major supermarketsLike my approach to work friendships and the marketing on the back of the can – which tells me to “saddle up” for beans “wanted dead or alive” – this is trying too hard. “Too smoky,” wrote one reviewer. “Hold the paprika, I feel attacked,” wrote another.
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