We may be forever altered by the death of a loved one, but we will eventually be able to reintegrate into life
, Joan Didion evocatively illustrates a type of magical thinking that can accompany grief. In this state of mind, we both know that the loss is real and yet at the same time don’t truly believe it. Didion, in the face of her husband’s death, avoided throwing out his shoes as she magically believed he might still need them.
One of these feelings is commonly that of identity rupture. Our sense of ourselves is intricately associated with our sense of ourselves in relation to others. When we lose significant others, our self-identity is rocked.
Ivan hoped I could help him “get over” his mother’s death and find a way to feel more comfortable in his own skin again. I gently broke the news to him that the only way iswhen it comes to grief – there is no way over or around. However, I was hopeful that we could work towards him integrating his mother’s death into his life trajectory and re-forming a more robust sense of self. I was aware that Ivan had lost many identity roles – son, care receiver, caregiver and being a member of a family.
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