‘Church must recognise domestic abuse’ A victim tells The Voice she felt abandoned while suffering a controlling husband by LeahMahon_
WORD: Pastors need to help domestic abuse church-goers
Landmark research by religious community forum Spirit and Solace found that 38 percent of church members had experienced abuse in – and most had not sought support afterwards. The research said the BMCs were divided into two categories. Churches that embraced an Old Testament-style approach, reminiscent to churches of the early Windrush generation, often had troubled responses in how to deal with domestic abuse.
“If I said that I was going to be going out with my friends, he wouldn’t necessarily stop me, but after the fact, he would basically say when a husband says to his wife that he’s not happy with something, you ought to fall in line because he’s the head of the house. 34 participants gave evidence in the research, which found there was a tendency to protect the abuser in ‘Old Testament’ Black churches where leaders stressed reconciliation between the abused and the abuser.
She described it as a lonely time and said she just needed someone to “pray with me, hold my hand, give me a hug every so often” as she dealt with the abuse. “We can solve this because, especially when both parties are in the church, we know the man and we know the woman. There’s [an emphasis on seeking a] spiritual solution to that problem and not thinking about domestic abuse as a crime.”
However, in a place where faith and culture have united Diaspora of people historically separated through slavery, she believes that this can make dealing with problems like domestic abuse even more complicated. Debbie admits she was “functioning-well” while in church, despite the abuse she was suffering. But inside, her self-esteem had plummeted.
After suffering domestic abuse for eight years, Debbie finally separated from her abuser in 2016 and obtained a non-molestation order against her ex-husband. She now supports other women who are survivors of domestic abuse. Debbie believes that as well as the Black churches needing to improve in how they handle domestic abuse cases and support for survivors, she believes that our cultures as African and Caribbean people also play a role in how abuse rears its head.
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