While you can’t control how an abuser will behave, you can do some things to support healing and protect you and your children as you rebuild your lives. InternationalDayForTheEliminationOfViolenceAgainstWomen
While statistics can’t do justice to the heartbreak of intimate partner violence —whether it’s physical, sexual, emotional or financial—they do give us a sense of its alarming prevalence. Recent data from Statistics Canada show that 14 percent of respondents reported experiencing economic or emotional abuse from their spouses at some point in their lives and about four percent had experienced physical or sexual violence during the previous five years.
Whatever the reason, co-parenting with an abuser makes it hard for survivors to separate themselves and psychologically heal from their experiences. Linda Coates, a professor and psychologist based in British Columbia, points out that ongoing communication about the children and face-to-face child exchanges give abusers opportunities to continue the abuse.
It can be tough to create boundaries with an abuser, so Coates suggests slowing down your response time. Give yourself a longer period of time to craft a response and think carefully about what requires a response. If you don’t respond immediately or with emotion, the abuser will find the abuse less satisfying and may even stop sending abusive messages.
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