Crimes Against Pizza: An Opinionated Guide to Not Messing Up Your Pie

Our standards are high, and yes, what you're about to read may not make you happy.

—it's perfect even-when-you're-sober drunk food, and a totally ideal quick fix once you've accepted that products marketed as easy crusts really are too good to be true.Who doesn't love puddles of ooey gooey melted cheese? Oh right, no one except your lactose intolerant uncle, who's really just jealous. But as hard as it is for some of us addicts to admit it, the place for those rivulets of cheese simply isn't on your pizza.

. At the risk of sounding repetitive, pizza should be all about simplicity and the synergy of excellent ingredients,definitely don't pour ranch dressing or barbecue sauce on it, either. These things simply do not belong, ever. And when you think they do, it's because they're masking even greater horrors that lie beneath.Toppings are wily little suckers, always tempting you with their symphonies of deliciousness.

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