Dear Abby doles out advice to a woman who saw her mom in a compromising position and a young girl with a crush.
My mother is 90 and has been a widow for 10 years. When we moved to this city 30 years ago, my parents made friends with a group of people. In this group was a couple nobody in our family liked , but Mom remained friends with them. Abby, the husband is a smarmy narcissist.
A couple of weeks ago, I went into my mom’s house and found my mom in bed with this man. I can’t describe the revulsion I felt. My problem is, I don’t know how complicit my mom is, or whether he has been grooming her over the years and is abusing her. That was my initial thought because he tried it with me many years ago.
Mom tried to cover up what was going on , but I can’t unsee what I saw. I don’t know if she lied because she’s complicit or afraid. How do I handle this? I haven’t spoken to Mom since, except to voice my disgust the next day. —Resume talking to your mother. The fact that her lover came on to you years ago is the reason you are concerned about her welfare. That said, you are not the morality police; at 90, your mother deserves to have a sex life if she chooses.
My mom keeps telling me I’m too young to tie myself down to a guy and to keep my options open, but I feel content with him, and I’ve never felt as much in common with anyone the way I do with him. My friends sometimes laugh at the idea that I like him, but even under all his introverted reclusiveness, I see an amazing human being and a wonderful guy. Any advice? —I’m glad you are taking this slowly because it may take some time for this person to develop romantic feelings for you .
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