I feel maybe I’m doing something wrong by being happy and not having to deal with the abuse. What do you think?
DEAR SURVIVOR: What I think is that you should be grateful you are free of your abusive late husband. I see no reason why you should feel guilty for not grieving the death of that disturbed individual. That said, it’s very important you take your time before getting into another exclusive relationship. You are extremely vulnerable now.
My dilemma: I do not want to have my husband’s parents at our house for every holiday dinner we host. My children are getting older , and we don’t see them often. Sometimes I want to get together with just our immediate family, but then I feel guilty if I don’t ALWAYS include the in-laws. I think my husband’s brother should step up to the plate and invite his parents for at least one holiday. I don’t think it’s fair to expect us to always have them at our house.
DEAR NEEDING: I agree that this pattern -- established heaven knows how long ago -- has placed an unfair burden on you. Your husband is long overdue for a conversation with his brother to see if something can be worked out. However, if your brother-in-law is unwilling, you may have to have your smaller family celebrations the night before or night after the holiday.Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.
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