“I️ end up spending a lot more time and thought on household and family stuff than Henry does, even though I️ have a more demanding job,” an advice-seeker writes. How should couples balance all the extra, unassigned work of life?
Dear Pepper is a monthly advice-column comic by Liana Finck. If you have questions for Pepper about how to act in difficult situations, please direct them to [email protected]. Questions may be edited for brevity and clarity.I used to do everything around the house. Gradually, I️ got my husband, Henry, to start doing some things. I️ made a monthly budget and insisted that we both contribute half. I made a chart with daily chores.
On top of the extra, unassigned work that I️ do, I️ also have to monitor Henry and make sure he’s staying on task, since many jobs are unglamorous but necessary. Well-meaning friends have urged me to pay for help—hire a house cleaner, a dog walker, a babysitter—and we absolutely plan to when we can afford it. But it won’t change the fact that I’m the only living creature in our home who knows where we keep the umbrellas.
At the same time, you’ve eaten from the tree of knowledge. You notice the unfairness in your marriage, and in other things, too, and you’ll never completely trust again.
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