I won't apologize for standing by my values.
In the summer of 2021, I transferred into NYU and moved to the city of my dreams, wide-eyed and optimistic about the beginning of my young adult life. I was entering my sophomore year of college, which meant living in my first apartment, cooking my own food, and holding down a true job. And like most new college recruits, dating was also part of this novelty for me. There was suddenly a fresh “batch” of eligible singles I could meet from my school and the wider NYC scene.
There were no campus lawns here; only tall, oppressive buildings and the unyielding hustle. And so, I compensated by connecting with people who went to my school through social media and responding to those who reached out first.Throughout the summer and my fall semester, I went out with men my age who were nice and interesting enough. One date had Jaden Smith’s number saved in his phone. Another filmed his own movies. Yet another claimed he was a high-stakes poker player.
After each date, I’d inevitably end up walking home, taking a bath, reading a book, and going to bed. The morning after—alone in my tiny studio—I’d process all the feelings. The night before, I’d feel discouraged and disillusioned by the lack of chivalrous, old-school dating prospects, but the mornings always gifted greater clarity.
After a few weeks of riding this unique, unexplainable feeling of self-sufficiency—almost like a high—I’d end up going on another date with another boy. We’d cover the bases and have ourselves a pleasant few hours. But then, the fork in the road would appear, and again I’d choose the path where I ended up successfully skirting a hookup. On my own terms, because I simply didn’t feel like it.
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