Some people spend their lives feeling out of place in groups – but it comes with unique opportunities
can’t explain it. He is a sweetheart. A beautiful boy inside and out, and so brilliant.” This was how a session with N, a longtime patient of mine, began some years ago. Her son, A, was a young teenager, and in spite of coming from a warm, loving family with attentive parents, he had started having social difficulties.
I did not. In my 40-plus years as a practising physician and psychiatrist, I have worked with world leaders, performing artists and professionals at the top of their fields. It often emerges that they have gone through life feeling just as A described. For parents, children like A are often source of confusion and concern. Given that most have themselves been conditioned to view group membership as the foundation of a successful life, many such parents push their children to be more “social.” At school, where teachers are trained to take notice of students who seem “socially maladjusted”, a child who doesn’t join others in the playground will often trigger phone calls home, visits to school counsellors or even a therapist.
With this realisation, we can give ourselves permission to opt out of things that cause discomfort, to embrace our authentic selves
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