'Pausing helps you refrain from making a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion.”
which has been integrated into more than 2,000 schools in the US and around the world. Here, he writes about a particularly useful tactic that all of us can use to defuse potentially destructive responses.
Many of us were exposed to destructive responses early in our lives — negative talk, screaming, blaming and so on. They require little cognitive control, and they’re often effective at getting rid of negative feelings and providing temporary gratification. But at the time, we fail to realize these strategies also can ruin our relationships and derail us from achieving our goals.We call it “meta” because it’s a momenta moment.
Other people could picture an image or look at an object. A good friend who is principal of a middle school has a Smurf on her desk to remind her to be her best self. Visualizing our best self can redirect our attention away from the triggering person, words or event and back towards our values. More recently, I was giving a presentation to a large group when someone challenged me on a point. She didn’t ask a question or offer a dissenting opinion; she just came at me to put me down. “A lot of us in the room would not necessarily agree with that model,” she said. My first impulse was to fire back and embarrass her with a comment like “A lot of us, meaning you and your 30 personalities.”
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