'President Biden just signed an Executive Order against LGBTQ+ conversion therapy, the therapy I endured in my 20s that left me contemplating suicide.'
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The childhood campaign to make me a Real Boy included forced work as a dairy farm hand when I was 6, military summer camp at 10, and spending sixth grade exiled toAs my father hetero-splained, the discipline there would “cut the apron strings,” i.e., make me not gay. What itmade me was full of anger, afraid of straights and fiercely distrustful of authority figures and organized religion.
She was so fun to be around. It totally escaped me that behind her funny stories, she was studying me like a lab rat.Once, she invited me over to meet a boy and girl my age under the guise of a casual social gathering. Years later, I discovered each was undergoing conversion therapy, and I was there like a freak in a sideshow, modeling the “before” they were each trying to leave behind while she helped them achieve their heteronormative “after.
The next day, we sat at her table and she asked us some questions. She had us each draw a figure, give it an age and name, and write down what the figure was feeling. Based solely on that, she delivered her pronouncement: I wasAccording to Bea, I chose to be gay when I was 14 and needed a strong male role model. If my life were balanced and I had the chance to choose again, I would choose to be straight.
Back at school, I made one cassette tape about my feelings during winter quarter. I still didn’t know what to make of Bea or how to proceed to be around her. The thing was, I truly needed and wanted therapy. I just didn’t know how to separate the parts I needed from the parts I didn’t. A childhood spent raising your alcoholic parents and being bullied doesn’t usually lead to strong boundary-setting skills.
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