Forgiveness is hard -- it's called 'the F word' by some therapists for a reason -- but it has been linked to a number of possible health benefits. What you should know:
found. Researchers evaluated 262 workers, measuring forgiveness, lack of productivity, absenteeism, stress, and health problems. Forgiveness of a specific workplace offense was linked with more productivity and fewer mental and physical health problems.Stories of forgiveness often mention a strong faith as a driving force, but people with a strong faith are not the only ones good at forgiving. People who have what Luskin calls “philosophical stoicism” tend to forgive more easily.
Having hope that things will turn out right, humility, and gratitude are three personal characteristics that help people forgive more quickly, says Everett Worthington, PhD, commonwealth professor emeritus at Virginia Commonwealth University.In 2007, Barbara Mangi’s daughter Dana, 25, was murdered. Mangi not only has forgiven the murderer, but she writes occasional letters to him in prison, where he is serving a 35-year sentence.
Mangi remembers that"he had a quivering voice and tears in his eyes. At that moment, I actually realized I felt compassion for him. That's how my forgiveness started." Soon after, she says she began to feel horrible for having compassion, worried about reactions from her family. Then her daughter Sarah confided that she had the same feelings of compassion and worried her mother would be mad at her.
As for teaching someone to forgive, “you don’t tell a non-forgiving person to forgive any more than you tell an alcoholic to stop drinking,” Toussaint says. “Neither of those work.” People have to want to forgive, he says, “and generally quite badly.”Be clear about what offended you. Gould agrees. “Sometimes you won’t have access to the person, and sometimes you may choose not to. Even then, I think forgiving is a process from within. It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to confront them.”
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