Harvard psychologist and “Letting Go of Your Ex” author Dr. Cortney Warren reveals the toxic phrases that can destroy a relationship, and what to say instead.
"I'm really upset, but I'm not ready to talk about it yet." Instead of ignoring your problems, take some time to face and reflect on them.Name-calling simplifies a person into one negative attribute instead of appreciating the complexity of who they are: an individual with a host of characteristics, some of which we may not like."I don't like how you handled that situation." Express what they did that you didn't like, and why it bothered you.
It overgeneralizes momentary feelings and creates insecurity even in the good moments. Your partner may think:"Do they really love me right now if they said 'I hate you' last week?""It's hard for me to be around you right now." Take a minute to calm down before you say something untrue, even if it feels true in the moment.Partners know each other's insecurities.
If you are struggling to disciple your child, for example, your partner might say:"You spoil him too much, and it's because your mother spoiled you, too.""I think this situation is triggering issues from your past. How can we work through them together?" Respectfully acknowledge areas of sensitivity and communicate in a way that doesn't feel like an attack on their character.
"I'm really upset right now and need to take a moment," or"We need to have a serious conversation about our relationship." In general, you only want to threaten to leave when you mean it and have the intention to follow through.Communicating is a skill that requires practice and deliberate effort. Here are three things people in healthy relationships do:Speak from your experience.
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