Vladimir Putin might not fancy him much, but buoyed by his halfwit foreign secretary, the PM wound up some happy travels
Photograph: ReutersPhotograph: Reutershe timing couldn’t have been better. What better way to deal with two humiliating byelection defeats and a growing disaffection within the Tory party about his leadership than forto spend a week abroad? A chance to forget. To let some of the heat die down. And to try to look worthwhile on a global stage. First at the Commonwealth heads of government meeting in Kigali. Then the G7 in Bavaria. And finally the Nato summit in Madrid.
No matter. The Rwanda Panda would always look on his time abroad with fondness. At least he had been in the presence of world leaders who made the effort of treating him with a veneer of respect and sincerity. Not like back home. There even his own cabinet ministers refused to back up his idea that the privileges committee was a lawless kangaroo court whose findings could be disregarded. Still, best to be careful what you wish for. He could have found himself before a judge-led public inquiry.
The microphones then cut out for a few minutes, which was no great loss as the Convict used the time to reannounce several of the announcements he had made the day before. The UK and Nato stood alongside Ukraine and would be giving a further £1bn in military aid. Though hopefully not the eye-wateringly expensive Ajax armoured vehicles that the British army had found totally unusable and that had yet to enter service.
We then moved on to the questions. Did he agree with Liz Truss that the only acceptable outcome of the Ukraine war was that Russia gave up all the land it had seized by force? The Rwanda Panda smiled. It was at times like this that he remembered why he had given Truss the job. What prime minister didn’t sometimes need a halfwit as foreign secretary? Someone to make him look good. Hell, she could barely complete a sentence on global geopolitics without sounding like an F-grade GCSE student.
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