How a Marriage Survives the Death of a Child

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How a Marriage Survives the Death of a Child
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“He died at a Christmas party, eating cashews. He didn’t choke on them; he aspirated. We went to a party and came home without a child. He was 2 years old”

They say you can never understand someone else’s marriage. But this week, New York Magazine and the Cut decided to try. We interrogated dozens of couples to see what makes their marriages work — or not.

Joe: From the time I started dating my wife, I couldn’t fathom what my life would be like if she was not in the picture. So the thought of somehow allowing my marriage to be torn apart by something — I don’t think that ever crossed my mind. We were reading, getting advice; perhaps we were on the lookout for the possibility that this could cause a disruption. We got through everything together. We kind of were functioning like one person.

Lynn: I give my husband a lot of credit. He’s super-flexible and easygoing, so he defers most decisions to me unless he cares about it. He’s an atheist, and I’m Jewish. We had to make a decision quickly about the funeral. My grandparents had died a few years before and there was a space open for Mason in a Jewish cemetery. So I said, “How about we bury him next to my grandparents?” If he’d resisted, I think things would have been harder.

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