Finding it ‘fragile’ and ‘gross’, femininity was something Ione Gamble refused to conform to. Then she was diagnosed with a disease which changed everything
have always been a girl’s girl. But as a teenager I tried to fight it, intent on the fact I was not like other girls, morally superior to those who spent their days fawning over the latest It bag from Miss Selfridge. It was only as I entered adulthood, and was diagnosed with an incurable illness, that embracing the femininity I had pretended to hate started to make any sense to me.
Crohn’s disease is an autoinflammatory condition and, while treatment can result in remission, there is currently no cure. In short, my stomach views itself as a foreign object and attacks itself accordingly. My symptoms include chronic fatigue, unpredictable bowel movements and near-constant stomach pain. Experiencing the first year of my independent, adult life in and out of hospital, I not only had to learn how to live as a grownup, but I had to fight to keep my body alive, too.
‘Desperately grabbing at any semblance of control over my body, I found myself longing for acrylic nails, nice haircuts and expensive dresses.’One moment I’d be applying an overpriced face serum, the next I’d be doubled over in pain as my insides battled with themselves. A long, relaxing bath filled with luridly neon fizzing bath bombs would end in me passing out on the bathroom floor from exhaustion.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with craving attention. We all long for the satisfaction of watching the likes rack up on our most recent photo. The problem is, that by framing our search for acceptance as empowering, we’re upholding the same damaging expectations and stereotypes that women have been held to for the best part of modern history. These overshares may feel vulnerable or even shocking, but rarely do they move the needle when it comes to accepted femininity.
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