At a time when we may be feeling isolated and lonely, here are 6 ways to connect more deeply through conversation
Deep conversations may be an important way to connect with those we care about in these difficult times, but they are always a good idea. They are the foundation of strong intimate relationships — those “we talked all night” conversations when, or those seemingly rare but cherished, heartfelt times when you lowered your guard and spoke from your heart with someone you trust. They connect you to the human race, to those important in your life, in some way to yourself.
Good idea, but often easier said than done. Here are some tips of going deeper into your conversations:This is a matter of logistics. It’s hard to have a deep conversation when someone is on their cell phone driving to the grocery store or when they are trying to get their three kids to bed. These times are for quick check-ins — how-you-doing, catch-you-later speed conversations. For those deeper conversations you need time; find out if the other person has some.
One is to set the tone by talking about yourself more deeply than you usually do. You want to move beyond the standard, “I’m good," to more honest statements about how you are really doing – I’ve been feeling down lately; I don’t know about you, but my kids are driving me crazy; I had been doing okay until Tom and I had this argument last night. This is about self-disclosure and revealing more of you and your feelings.
The other approach is to ask hard questions at the start: Not the “Doing okay?” but"Have you been having a hard time?""Have you been feelingor worried?""Are your kids driving you crazy or struggling?" People only know what is safe to talk about based on what you talk about and what you ask.
they need, and resist using their stories as launchpads to talk about your own. Only when they are done is it time to turn the conversation towards you.You know if you are moving into more vulnerable and intimate territory if what you want to say makes you feel uncomfortable, you get those butterflies of anxiety.is not about disclosing some big, dark secret, but saying anything that is, for you, difficult to say. Take that risk for yourself, and listen for it in the other person.
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