As I age, I am finding this harder to achieve, as work and home pressures drain me of any excess of vitality for others.
To look at me tonight, you would think I’m ready to rock – big time. I’m sporting a sequin evening suit liberated from its longtime plastic prison, a crisp silk blouse I actually ironed, high shoes and a half-arsed semblance of make-up. Yep, it’s time to step out and paaaarty! Only … kill me.Instead of excitement, my overall emotion is anxiety. I don’t want to do this. Well, not right now anyway. But I’ve committed. I will be letting down people I love if I don’t go out. I am trapped.
I call my friend who understands my angst. “Let me guess,” she says before I utter a word. “You have to go out tonight, and you are suddenly concerned about Roxy.”Much laughter and profound empathy ensues. You see, my friend has not only seen me pull out of social obligations through worry about my dog, but she also often uses her pooch as a prevention strategy, too.
I will not, as I did in the past, go back to people-pleasing at all costs. Not wanting to seem rude or let others down. Should they not understand, then I rethink that relationship. My mental health should be respected. Making me feel guilty is not the answer. Understanding that I would if I could, and I will when I can, is a much better compromise.
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