WASHINGTON—Feeling overwhelmed and unable to take it any longer, hundreds of millions of American citizens across the country reportedly thought “I can’t do this anymore” while going quietly about their regular daily routines Wednesday.
As they commuted to work, performed household tasks, sat around with family and friends, engaged in hobbies, or watched television, each of the 320 million residents of the United States reportedly acknowledged to themselves that they simply could not continue doing any of this, not for a single moment.According to sources, every last member of the nation’s populace further recognized this has gone on for far too long already.
“I can’t keep doing this,” each person in the country reportedly thought while shopping for groceries, replying to emails, sitting through meetings, walking to or from their parking spot, or tucking their children into bed. “Things can’t go on like this. They just can’t.
“Why am I even trying anymore?” thought Minneapolis cashier Sarah Collins, 23, while ringing up the purchase of Walter Nathanson, a 68-year-old retiree who arrived at the exact same conclusion while taking his change, folding it neatly in his wallet, and telling the young woman to have a nice day.
While reactions to the thought were imperceptible to most casual onlookers, an audible exhalation reportedly left the lips of all 320 million of the country’s inhabitants at the exact same time. In addition, the eyes of the entire population are believed to have been cast downward for a brief, simultaneous moment as they each individually concluded that they simply didn’t have it in them to keep this up.
At press time, reports indicated every single person in the country had gritted their teeth and forced their mouth into a resigned smile before moving on with their day.
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