I’m a relationship therapist – the telltale sign your relationship won’t last
Dear Abby: My wife wants to cheat on me so she’s asking for an ‘open marriage’Here’s the shocking reason your phone addiction is ruining your sex lifeI really love my husband but I can’t stop picking fights with him. I’m not sure why I behave this way but I criticize him a lot over everything from how he dresses to the fact he doesn’t do enough around the house. He’s a very placid man and the more I nag him, the quieter he gets.
There are always good reasons we act the way we do. It isn’t because you’re a terrible person. We need to understand what’s driving your actions and then give you tools for change to prevent this permanently damaging your relationship.Criticism is one of four common communication styles, known as ‘The Four Horsemen’ that predict the end of a relationship. My concern is that your husband isn’t just placid. It’s that he’s actually conflict-avoidant.
Avoiding criticizing your husband doesn’t mean that you never share your concerns with him. There are ways you can learn to share that will make it easier for him to hear and that won’t damage the relationship.Changing your communication to avoid criticism will take some effort, self awareness and practice.
With this deeper awareness, you can then change how you’re communicating. This is the premise of really effective couples therapy.First, share your underlying emotion with your husband. Then tell him what it’s in relation to. Then tell him how he can be your hero, what you need him to do.
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