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The women in your office won’t know you want to keep your work and personal life separate until you tell them, writes Dr Kirstin Ferguson.
I recently started a new job and the office is made up mainly of women. They ask many personal questions, which I usually dodge because I am a private person.
Over the past few weeks, several have found me on Facebook and LinkedIn and sent friend requests. I keep my social and family circle limited and don’t want colleagues I barely know looking through family photographs or details of my life. The requests are making me uncomfortable, but I worry that declining them will affect whether I am accepted in the workplace. What should I do?
You are perfectly entitled to keep your professional and private life separate. At the outset, let me say it is worth noting there is a big difference between LinkedIn and Facebook. Given LinkedIn is your professional page and directly linked to work, it may be worth considering accepting professional connection requests on that platform.
Facebook, however, is entirely different, and wanting to establish a boundary between work and your private photos – assuming your page is set to private – is your choice. It sounds like you may not have worked in a team of mostly women before. Just as women have often found themselves in male-dominated environments and had to adjust to fit in, it seems like you are perhaps finding yourself needing to do the same.
This does not mean changing who you are, what you value or the boundaries you set. But it does mean understanding that while being asked personal questions may be challenging for you, it could be the way the culture in this particular team has been established in the past.
If you are kind and respectful in the way you explain your wish to keep your private life separate from work, I am sure your new colleagues will understand and be kind and respectful in return. My employer was recently bought by an international company and many things have changed. The latest is that we’ve been told we will need to return to the office five days a week.
We currently work three days in the office and two at home. This did not go down well for many, as we were employed on the basis that it is a flexible workplace. Is there anything we can do? Unfortunately, being promised a “flexible workplace” is not necessarily the same thing as having a contractual right to work from home.
Start by checking your employment contract, enterprise agreement, applicable award and flexibility policy. If two home days are expressly guaranteed, your position is stronger than if workplace flexibility was merely a discretionary policy. You are also not alone in the shift back to the office. Many large Australian businesses are winding back COVID-era work arrangements and requiring people back five days per week.
In terms of what you can do, it all depends on what your contract says and working together with other employees to understand what might be driving the change is likely to be more helpful than acting alone. If you feel you have specific reasons why you need to work from home a certain number of days per week, you can try making a formal, individual request.
My company has installed a world-famous computer system that is so complicated that every step requires painstaking care or all hell breaks loose. It was enormously expensive, yet any further “improvements” cost extra. Why do these systems become so popular when their shortcomings are not discovered until after installation? Their sales teams must be extraordinary, but surely someone should have asked the people who would actually use it?
You have identified a central mystery of new enterprise technology – the people who choose it are often not the people who will use it. There is no doubt a flashy sales presentation to your senior decision-makers would have been followed by promises of efficiency, integration and transformation. All the buzzwords someone might want to hear as they embark on an enormous investment of licences, consultants and customisations.
Regardless of your first-hand experience, complaining now that the new system is a dud is unlikely to get you far. Instead, it will be more helpful to carefully document the limitations and failures. Note the task you are working on, how long it used to take and how long it takes now. Record the impact any errors might be having on customers or team productivity.
Think about some possible solutions that might help. Reversing the sunk cost of the investment is unlikely, so your best hope now is to try and make it work without wanting to pull your hair out. Good luck! What’s the best small talk for an introvert at a work event?
AM is the author of Blindspotting: How to See What Others Miss and Head & Heart: The Art of Modern Leadership. Kirstin is ranked in the world’s Thinkers50 list and holds a PhD in leadership and culture. www.kirstinferguson.com.
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