‘I feel incredible envy’: parenting without family support | SamanthaSMorris
It was a heartache that Sarah never anticipated after she married and had two longed-for children.
But the lack of practical support – having someone she could call when she needs a break for an hour or two – is the least of it. The reminders are constant. “I have heard it described as being this very palpable absence,” says Professor Caroline Hunt, president of The Australian Clinical Psychology Association, of people who raise a family without their extended family living nearby.
One of the biggest struggles people have with this situation, she says, is the lack of an emotional and practical safety net that extended family often provide. “You hear the [phone] calls [other kids make], and they’ll go, ‘Oh like I just rode to my grandmother’s house’,” says Becker, whose children are aged 15, 12 and eight. “Your heart kind of goes” – she lets out a mournful sigh – “for your own children. It is a daily sort of feeling like you don’t have what you should around you, for yourself, for your family, and your kids.”
Instead, she often relies on shopping. “It’s called retail therapy for a reason. Yeah, look it’s a distraction. So it diverts the mind from I’m feeling this pain, to ‘What I can I buy next?’”“Worrying about the future or ruminating about the past, it’s going to make it feel worse,” she says. “Focusing on where you’re at in the moment and dealing with the moment, of course there are ups and downs, but it’s a useful thing. We can dwell on our losses.
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