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It’s a challenge to know how to display unwanted gifts in your home, says Modern Guru. But in this case, you could try playing the self-loathing card.
Q: A good friend painted a portrait of me. There’s no space in the house to hang it, so it’s on a wall in the garage.
What do I say if the artist calls round unexpectedly? If it were an expected visit, you’d obviously do what we all do when we know friends are coming round: find every awkward gift they’ve ever given us and display it in a prize spot in the house, first dusting off the cobwebs and roach droppings because it’s been stored in a cardboard box labelled “OPSHOP???
” But if your artist friend popped round unexpectedly, this clearly wouldn’t be possible: you’d have to keep them waiting at the door while you ran to the garage, grabbed the portrait, raced back into the house, then hung it on a wall using a hammer, a nail and Polyfilla to patch the crumbling plaster. They could be waiting for up to three hours.
In most cases, friends don’t remember what gift they gave you or, if they do, don’t really care what you did with it: it likely came out of their own “OPSHOP??? ” box. But not in your case. Your friend delved deep into their soul to create a personalised gift, expressing their affection through paint and passion – so they’d expect you to treasure it, even if they made you look like a demented blob with three hairy eyes.
If you genuinely can’t find a hanging spot in the house, play the self-loathing card. If they ask where the portrait is, tell them you love it, but you’re embarrassed by flattering images of yourself so you’ve hung it in your private “Garage Gallery” where you can enjoy it during your happiest moments: parking the car, respooling the whipper-snipper, and sniffing up WD-40 fumes.
She’s loved by millions of Australians but in her darkest moment, Magda Szubanski chose to be on her own ‘Do we want a world that reflects a kind of tech-bro zone? I don’t think so’: Suzie Miller on raising sonsThere isn’t a soul this obscenely cheesy dish wouldn’t soothe. Here’s where to find itis a columnist for The Age and The Sydney Morning Herald. He writes the Modern Guru column in the Good Weekend magazine.
He is also the author of the books Spit the Dummy, Dork Geek Jew and the Little Lunch series for kids.
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