https://www.todaysparent.com/family/parenting/ways-i-helped-my-daughter-through-my-divorce/
In 2011, Jennifer Venner chose to completely upend her life at home to end a toxic codependant relationship. Now at the age of 47, she is finally living the life she has always wanted to live.When my two kids were little, I felt I had to inhale every moment with them. Every time they tasted something new, every time they fell off a swing—you don’t get those moments back, which meant everything else had to wait so I could be present for them.
Once my children were in school full-time, I started writing more, and I wanted to apply for an MFA. My husband flatly refused. He said writers can’t make a living; it’s not practical. My mother offered to take me on a vacation for my 40th birthday, and my husband told me I wasn’t allowed to go. I felt myself disappearing—who was I in this marriage? When my kids were born, I had promised myself I’d be a role model for them; I couldn’t let them keep witnessing me capitulate to their father.
My daughter became quiet and withdrawn, and my son had a lot of meltdowns. He kept asking when I was coming home. I wrote a novel in about eight months and then had a nervous breakdown. Every time I saw my kids, I saw reproach in their eyes: “.” I wasn’t reliable; my moods were up and down. I did a lot of reckless things; I drank too much. But at least I could own these mistakes. They belonged to me.
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