Stopping the flirtation will hurt but it will be nothing compared to the destruction to your family if you carry on
Despite having no issues in my marriage, I’m pretty sure I’m entering into the preparatory stages of a highly destructive affair. I’m a man in my 40s with a loving wife and four young children. We have a good sex life and wonderful conversations.
I know my behaviour is a cliché of a man of my age. I have no intention of leaving my wife or cheating on her. I don’t think I should talk to my wife about V. It might make her feel insecure. I also don’t see it as sensible to have a direct conversation with V. My plan is to carry on as usual, but have a drunken conversation with V littered with how much I love my wife. The only other solution I can see is to start actively looking for other jobs.
Things that might help: until you have this under control, stop drinking with colleagues, maybe stop drinking altogether . When you fantasise about V don’t stop when you get that dopamine hit, but carry the fantasy on.
Sure, quit your job if that is the only way you can stop, but are you going to quit a great job every time you fancy someone? You don’t need dramatics! Affairs don’t just happen to you, you control your behaviour, you are not passive in this. Your emotions can churn away all they like, but you do not have to act on them. Take responsibility to stop this affair going any further. It will hurt to stop this flirtation, that’s OK, you can stand that pain.
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