In newyorkerhumor, a biblically accurate cherub clears up some misconceptions: “I am simply the furthest thing from a baby.”
Oh, great, another Valentine’s Day, with aisles upon aisles of cards featuring babies holding hearts. First of all, I have four faces, and none of them is that of a chubby-cheeked baby. They are, as follows: ox, man, lion, eagle. I don’t know how the whole baby thing got started, but I’m telling you now—whoever painted me that way was a goddam liar who never saw any actual cherubim.
I move very specifically. Like I said, there aren’t just wings but also wheels involved. And I fly in one of the four directions that my heads face. What baby do you know who does that? Babies can’t even move around at all for the first few months. As long as I’m airing grievances, you do know that Cupid is from an entirely different group of religions, right? And, for the record, he didn’t look like a baby, either—he was a wingèd youth. He had a wife and everything.
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