MyTwoCents: 'I had thought that it would feel good to reach this place of relative security and am surprised that it does not. Instead, it feels like an endless slog.' CharlotteCowles responds
Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photos: Getty Images I know that my situation is objectively good, but I am nonetheless not handling it well. My wife and I are in our late 30s and had two children much earlier than our cohort in New York — our oldest is entering middle school. After years of spending all available money on child care and rent, we were able to find our footing financially.
The cost of college, retirement, and long-term care loom. I repetitively project account balances into the future, a process that ends with the tolerable but uninspiring conclusion that we will likely escape the trap of elder poverty. Meanwhile, our savings rate hampers our day-to-day lives, and my future focus blurs the intervening decades to serial toil and deferred gratification.
That said, something in your picture is out of proportion. You’re so consumed by the threat of future poverty and “serial toil” that you can’t focus on what’s right in front of you: a comfortable home, kids who have what they need, legitimate financial security that you’ve built for yourself and your family. You’re putting away 40 percent of your income! That’s a major achievement and takes serious discipline.
When I sent your letter to Dr. Brad Klontz, a certified financial advisor and psychologist who researches the connections between mental and financial well-being, he pointed out that you seem overly oriented toward the future. For example, you have more agency than you think. You are deciding to save for your children’s college because you value their education and don’t want them to be burdened with student loans . You chose to save up to buy a home, and you timed it perfectly with the market. You are electing to save for retirement so that you can enjoy your later years.
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