Dear Pay Dirt: We only got $12,000, and they got $30,000 each. How is that fair?
This is not an unusual situation. Sometimes parents expect their own children to work harder than their grandchildren because they think your accomplishments are more reflective of how well or badly they parented you. Children are expected to make it on their own, and grandchildren exist to be spoiled. So what your MIL was likely thinking was that she wanted to make sure your kids got a head start.
All of which is to say, it’s probably not about whether your MIL thought your kids were smart enough to get through college on scholarships, or thought you’d waste the money, but whether she thought she was ensuring that your kids’ generation could start their adult lives from a place of financial stability—and she viewed that as something you simply didn’t need at this stage in your life. I doubt that when she started saving, she knew your kids would be academic overachievers.
All of that said, I completely understand why this feels unfair, but I think you have to view the situation differently. An inheritance is a gift, not an entitlement, and $12,000 is $12,000 more than a lot of people get. Think of it as Grandma giving your children a bigger, more impressive holiday present. Yes, it would have been nice to get something equally impressive, and it’s OK to be disappointed about that.
My dilemma is how we move forward as a couple into retirement. For me, I want to enjoy things my partner has already done. If I expect her to pay 50 percent, we cannot do all the things I can afford. If I pay 100 percent, then my kids will miss out on part of their inheritance, and I do feel their mother’s share should be theirs. I can’t say what that is, but I do know that I didn’t get where I am or save what I have by myself.
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