Difficult feelings should be welcomed, say Philippa Perry. They can help us find out what changes we need to make
‘If our sadness is not taken seriously when we are growing up, or if we were shamed for it, it is harder for us to learn how to be with sadness when we are adults.’‘If our sadness is not taken seriously when we are growing up, or if we were shamed for it, it is harder for us to learn how to be with sadness when we are adults.’Difficult feelings should be welcomed. They can help us find out what changes we need to makeI see a therapist once a week.
I wonder if your parents couldn’t bear for you to be unhappy, so although they didn’t mean for you to find yourself unacceptable when you are sad, this may be the result of them not being able to tolerate sad feelings in their child. If our sadness is not taken seriously when we are growing up, or if we were shamed for it, it is harder for us to learn how to be with sadness when we are adults.
In your position, I wonder if I would experiment with honest conversations with people who love me. You are giving yourself a bad time about being sad and maybe only imagining they might condemn you for what you are going through, or be somehow hurt by it. Not talking authentically when you are depressed can make it worse. It’s important to be understood and to put your feelings into words.
Frankl also quotes Nietzsche: “He who has a why to live can bear with almost any how.” Existentialist philosophers argue that life is meaningless and our task is to come to terms with that. Frankl, though, thought to make life worth living we each need to find our own meaning unique to us.
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