Not all on-again, off-again relationships have to be unhealthy. Actually, some can be great.
I know I’m not alone in having a shadowy figure in my love life. This peripheral player is often someone you’ll tell only a few people about. They’ll never meet your family, maybe not even your friends, and they’re unlikely to step up if you have an emergency. So long as it’s not a case of unrequited love, where one party secretly wishes for more, the casualness works, because both of you have reasons for not wanting it to evolve into anything more serious.
There are benefits to having an on-off “relationship” that never gets too deep. You can share just as much or as little as you want, or try out a different version of yourself. Indulging in a level of inauthenticity, I’ve been able to play the. I don’t hold N to account the way I do my serious dating prospects.
I like the more daring and spontaneous version of myself that N brings out, but could never be her permanently. I already feel behind my more settled peers, with my rented flat and mismatched, second-hand furniture. To be dating someone I don’t see a future with feels like a step in the wrong direction.