Cult leader Michael Mosley has a lot to answer for as our correspondent endures a toast drought.
It’s your dog Clancy writing from the city. It’s 10 weeks since I last wrote to you. That letter was a sombre missive in which I detailed the toast drought gripping our household.
In my previous letter I described my emotions concerning Pip and the way he – a growing boy – has also been denied toast. Just like a bottle of gin, purchased “in case a guest ever wants a gin and tonic” and then drained the moment it’s brought into the house, these two cannot trust themselves around toast, even if the toast in question was purchased for an innocent child, or an equally innocent dog.
By what means the toast spoke to her, I am unsure. Did it matter if the toast was wholemeal or white? If she had a slice of sourdough, was the resulting storyline a little more artisanal? Would a slice of Danish rye push the plot towards Scandi noir? There he was, banging on about his own writing, and – at every single gathering – most of the questions would be about me. “Is Clancy OK?” Or “Can’t Clancy write a little more often?” Or “I worry every time I pick up the paper and see that he hasn’t written. He’s such a lovely writer.”
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