‘It was either we get divorced or we start sleeping with other people’
The emails began with a trickle but quickly resulted in a flood: missive after missive from women who veered away from traditional societal constraints to open up their relationships to include others.
It isn’t that we don’t care for each other – he’s a kind man who takes care of our family – but he’s 15 years older than me, and I just don’t feel sexually attracted to him. Let me put it this way: you can love someone as an integral part of your family unit, but that doesn’t mean you love him as a partner. As a result, I spent many years of our marriage gaining weight, losing confidence and feeling undesirable.
Within a month of having the initial polyamory conversation, we started dating other women, but it was far from what I expected it would be. I quickly realised I didn’t want to be dating other women, but sadly, she just as quickly found herself a new girlfriend – plus a few others. Initially I tried to set boundaries, asking her to limit the number of people she saw on the side and to refrain from calling any other woman her ‘partner’.
I’ve seen polyamory work and I remain supportive of it as a relational modality for others, but I now know it’s not for me. If this experience has taught me anything, it’s that I’m a committed monogamist. I want to grow old with one person and one person only.”Emily*, a 48-year-old accountant, was shocked when her husband of 17 years asked to open their marriage to include others. She now says it was the best move they could have made.