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James Hird's Jungle Venture and the Specter of an Essendon Return

Sports / Australian Football News

James Hird's Jungle Venture and the Specter of an Essendon Return
James HirdEssendon Football ClubAFL Supplements Scandal

An exploration of James Hird's extraordinary post-AFL plan to transform Colombian coca farms into cacao plantations, juxtaposed with the ongoing debate about his potential return as Essendon coach amid the legacy of the supplements scandal.

The conversation about convincing cocaine farmers to grow cacao beans stands out as one of the most unusual yet engaging discussions I've ever had with James Hird .

At that time, the Court of Arbitration for Sport had not yet issued its final, devastating verdict on what survivors call The Saga, and both the club and Hird had mutually decided to part ways. Hird was visibly exhausted but also driven by a frenetic energy.

His ambitious project, conceived with entrepreneurial acquaintances he met during an MBA program he undertook in his AFL-mandated year away from the game, involved traveling to Colombia to persuade local villagers to abandon coca cultivation for cartels and instead cultivate cacao beans, the increasingly rare essential ingredient for chocolate. The plan called to mind cinematic images of Hird hacking through the Colombian jungle with a machete, reminiscent of a youthful Michael Douglas on a reckless and potentially perilous mission to meet the only people on Earth without a fixed opinion about him.

Being a similar age to Hird, I recall thinking, as we spoke on the phone, how my own family would react if I announced I'd taken a redundancy and was heading to Central America to become the next Willy Wonka. The most astonishing aspect of this story-and why it bears telling-is that Hird actually followed through. He went to Colombia, he engaged with villagers who had labored for cartels, and he pursued this unusual venture.

It's worthwhile keeping that mental picture of Hird in the jungle in mind as the coming days and weeks unfold with talk of his possible reappointment as Essendon coach. The notion of Hird returning as senior coach seems as extraordinary as the business plan he outlined to me that day.

It has been nearly eleven years since Hird's first Essendon coaching tenure ended at what was then Etihad Stadium, with a crushing 112-point loss to Adelaide-the heaviest defeat of his brief coaching career, which encompassed fewer than ninety games, a full-season suspension, and the most catastrophic drugs scandal in Australian sport history. Prior to his 2010 appointment as senior coach, Hird had no coaching experience.

Essentially, he was hired to learn on the job, with his former premiership captain and successful Geelong coach Mark Thompson returning as an on-site mentor. He was still developing his skills in 2012 when Stephen Dank established a basement office at Windy Hill and began administering substances to players that may have included banned compounds-though certainty eludes everyone.

The last I heard of Dank, he had absconded from an anti-ageing clinic in Darwin with an arrest warrant outstanding and was back in Melbourne supplying his products to gym enthusiasts in South Yarra. That was some years ago, but if he subscribes to his own hype, he hasn't aged a day. The deficiencies in Hird's coaching résumé have been extensively examined by commentators with deeper ties to the sport. That doesn't necessarily mean he can't coach.

During his Essendon period, especially in the 2013 season overshadowed by the Darkest Day in Sport and the emerging drug scandal, he demonstrated an intangible quality all great coaches share: the ability to elicit more from a group than the sum of its parts. Michael Malthouse observed this week that Hird, like nearly every coach, would likely be better in a second stint than during his first senior job.

Yet, for all the aforementioned reasons, it would be an entirely different matter for Hird to persuade the Essendon board that he is the optimal candidate among all potentially available coaches to take on the most challenging role in football. It defies any discernible logic for the club to adopt such a view.

Near the scandal's conclusion, I spoke with Paul Little, the former Essendon chairman who steered the club through its battles with the AFL and the Australian Sports Anti-Doping Authority, and who in 2015 tearfully accepted Hird's resignation offer. Little is a hard-nosed businessman who built his fortune in trucking, logistics, and property development. He admired Hird but was frustrated by him; Hird's singular focus did not always align with the club's interests.

He is complex, driven, stubborn, and talented, Little told me at the time. He can be selfish. I've accused him of that. But he is ethical.

You can't help but feel that if you stood in the way of the Hirds, you wouldn't be gently sidestepped; you'd be steamrolled. It wouldn't matter who you were. They are fiercely focused on what they believe in. James Hird believes he is the best person to coach Essendon, and he is not alone in that conviction.

If Caroline Wilson-this publication's answer to Maggie Haberman-is correct, there is a strong, emotional push among some Essendon supporters for Hird's return. That might seem absurd to those with no ties to the Bombers, but the will of the crowd can be a powerful force. The most powerful force in all this, however, is Hird's own will. It was strong enough during his playing days to bend a tumbling ball in flight.

It was strong enough during his coaching tenure to cleave a football club in two

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James Hird Essendon Football Club AFL Supplements Scandal Colombia Cacao Coaching Appointment Australian Rules Football Stephen Dank Paul Little Essendon Supporters Court Of Arbitration For Sport Drug Scandal Football Coaching

 

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