This week’s deluge of surreal headlines has been more than enough to keep late-night hosts busy
“Holy shit!” Oliver marveled. “So instead of denying that he privately solicited dirt from a foreign power, [Trump] publicly did it and then asked forforeign power to get involved too. Which is just making it worse! You almost expect his next words to be, ‘Now Biden’s not as bad as Jeffrey Epstein, but no problem; I hadkilled. So sad. Great guy. The killer too. Paid the guards, used a bedsheet. Bada bing, bada boom, he’s out of there. Wonderful, wonderful extrajudicial murder.
For instance: When asked via text if security assistance and White House meetings for Ukraine are now predicated on investigations, U.S. ambassador to the E.U.“That is not a good response,” Oliver said. “It honestly would have been less damning if Sondland had added, ‘Uh, because I’m horny. And I want you to talk me off. Even though I’m your boss. That’s the misconduct I’m engaged in right now. Not anything else. Eggplant emoji.
“When you are that concerned about not leaving a paper trail in your conversations, it’s just inherently suspicious,” Oliver said. “If you texted someone, ‘Have you ever masturbated in the lawn-care aisle at Home Depot?’ and they responded with, ‘I suggest we stop the back-and-forth by text,’ you pretty much have your answer right there.”
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