After years of disgust, I saw the possibility of beauty in my body just as it is. Now I am the happiest I have ever been
y body is an accordion. Not because it sounds horrible. I mean, it does. It clicks and cracks and honks, and when I try to sing nicely my son screams from the pit of his soul, like I’ve brandished an axe. No, what I mean is, it’s like an accordion because, for 32 years I was squeezing her in. In and in, for a half-life.chart, I’ve always been “obese” – technically, ill. So for decades I saw my body as defective, disappointing and disgusting.
Then, bang! An explosion of change. I got pregnant with my son, and my physical metamorphosis cast a spell. Suddenly, my bigness had a purpose and I felt like a king: invincible, glorious. I stripped in swimming pool changing rooms without a single care, like a thin person or a Spanish person, or a man. It felt delicious.It didn’t last, but it had sown a beautiful seed in me.
, which brought me joy and power and had fuck all to do with losing weight. In fact, I grew and continue to grow brilliant muscles. I also discovered a burgeoning, freeing pansexuality smashing its way into my formerly heterosexual life. Lastly, and surely not by complete coincidence, I underwent a complete reeducation about food and eating. I discovered the incredible
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